Wall Street and Fremont Street

I've been leery of Wall Street for most of my adult life. And my paranoia is finally paying off. I'm not happy about it. I just knew it would happen in my lifetime. How did I know?

I'm all for business growth -- responsible business growth. And I think any business can grow if it has enough customers and it treats its customers well enough. However, when total strangers -- who don't know the company, its policies, its practices, or even its employees -- are asked to invest in that same company, the investors are only interested in the bottom line. And that makes for bad business.

The newest little tidbit from Wall Street to be uncovered by the media and exposed to nonfinancial people like myself is a little scheme called "credit default swaps." Wall Street calls it an investment or insurance. I call it gambling, and so would anyone who works on Fremont Street (that's old Las Vegas for anyone who doesn't know).

Credit default swaps are when you bet that a payment won't be made. That's right. Even the finance guys describe it as betting. But there are a number of differences between casinos and the crapshoot on Wall Street. The first is that Vegas casinos are regulated and are fined heavily if they don't adhere to government-imposed restrictions. Credit default swaps (CDS) are not regulated in any way, shape or form. Think of CDS as the Lord of the Flies on Wall Street.

Secondly, Vegas won't let you place a bet it can't cover. Remember in the movies when the pit boss has to go the real boss to see if a table can take a bet? The casinos want to make sure they have the instant capital to pay off a bet if the house should lose. Not CDS. The sellers of these swaps are not required to maintain any kind of reserves should a default happen. Apparently, it's all Monopoly money to them.

Thirdly, only a fool would decide to bet his entire retirement savings on a table in Vegas. Looks like that same belief can be transferred to Wall Street. At least on Fremont Street, you know they are trying to take your money and never give it back. But you also know if you spend enough, you will receive some kind of comp, whether it's a free meal or upgrade to your room. Wall Street just waggles its finger and accuses you of not reading the fine print.

Perhaps the saddest part of the whole CDS debacle is that enough people knew there would be defaults aplenty and that's where the real money was. Who are these people? How did they know? And did they have a hand in the collapse of our financial infrastructure? I don't the answer to those questions. I'm not savvy enough to figure it out and not evil enough to understand it.

At least on Fremont Street there's entertainment. The Fremont Street Experience is a light show that's free! You can get a 99 cent shrimp cocktail at Binion's. The bargains abound. And even though you drop some money while you're there, you leave knowing you had a good time. Can you say that about the last time you opened your 401(k) statement?

Saint Paddy's day or Fair Laddies Day

Today is Saint Patrick's Day, a good excuse to drink green beer and say "top o' the mornin'" to your neighbors. And I usually like holidays since they provide a good excuse for crafting and decorating.  However, St. Paddy's is the one day I don't celebrate, but I don't usually tell people why. It seems to offend them.

I personally think Ireland would be better off today if Christianity had never been introduced to the island. I realize that even as pagans the Irish didn't always get along with each other. But Christianity, and its different sects of rituals and beliefs, seems to have done more than its fair share of tearing the occupants of Ireland apart.  

How different would the political spectrum of Ireland be if everyone there suddenly became atheist?  They could still hate the British. But I think they, as a people and a country, would be more unified.  If a fellow Irishman walked down the street wearing Ulster orange, it would no longer mean he was Protestant. It would just mean he liked orange. 

The recent spate of killing soldiers and police officers seems to be bringing "the troubles" to the forefront of Ireland's problems again.  They've had a peace for as long as my memory serves after the Omagh bombing.  And I have to wonder if religion is really a blanket for the economic chill that Ireland is now experiencing.  Economic hardship can always act as a catalyst for protests and retaliations.  But religion serves to soften the blow.  Religion makes the cause more just, the offenders less murderous.  

The shamrock serves as a symbol of Ireland after Saint Patrick used the three-leafed clover to explain the Holy Trinity to a pagan who didn't understand that Christianity claimed it only worshipped one god when it actually worshipped three.  To me, that's when the troubles began.  Ireland would be better off if the pagan had told Saint Patrick that the three leaves represents the way a man should live -- eat (brown bread), drink (Irish whiskey) and be merry.  Maybe the Irish could change their official holiday from St. Paddy's day to Fair Laddies day. The men would have to dress like women for the day -- skirts and high heels with makeup and hair curlers. That act alone might bring more peace to any nation than any prayer ever spoken.

And the Edward R Murrow award goes to Comedy Central

I've been a fan of the Daily Show for a long time. I remember when it came on at 7 pm and was hosted by the blonde giant.  When Jon Stewart took the helm, I wasn't so sure. The first month was a little rocky. But Jon found his footing, the writers found their niche, and the supporting cast filled in the rest.  

Not having been a fan of George W, I loved when the Daily Show trounced the administration. A job made incredibly easy by the ineptitude, incompetence and downright corruption of the administration.  Jon and crew made it easy to laugh, and that was better than crying. (For anyone who thinks the Iraq war is/was a good thing, I urge you to watch the documentary Iraq For Sale.)

Then the Daily Show began to morph. It grew a little edgier, its digs got a little deeper.  Jon took on the notorious Tucker Carlson and the Crossfire crew.  He berated faux reporters for being entertainers but passing themselves off as newsmen.  When Carlson tried retaliating with a similar charge, Stewart reminded him that the Daily Show is on the Comedy Channel.

However, with the Daily Show's latest hammering of CNBC, I'm thinking the show needs to move from Comedy Central to its own media outlet.  There are some days I actually get more news from the Daily Show than I do from watching morning, afternoon or evening "news" shows.  And while other reporters are telling us that "no one could see" the debt debacle heading our way like a Hurricane Katrina, no one is asking the hard questions except for the crew at the Daily Show. 

I'm no whiz at finance and I still think a hedge fund sounds like it should be in the gardening section at Kmart, but even I knew this gravy train couldn't last forever.  House prices were going to have to either stabilize or come down. We were going to have to start manufacturing something (besides great cinema) and stop buying everything China makes.  We needed to go back to doing some things for ourselves and stop outsourcing every tiny fraction of our lives. 

And yet the people we trust to bring us the most current, event-changing, global happening news didn't see this coming?  Really?  Or did some reporters see it happening and were told not to report on it because it was a downer?  (It really grinds my choobies when people complain that the news is only bad stuff. Well folks, when good news starts being the thing that's so different that it is the news, we have a whole lot more problems than Wall Street shenanigans.)

Are we all at fault for being greedy and everyone wanting to live the life of a Rockefeller?  Or is it our fault because we hate when journalists really do their job and ask the hard questions?  Did we see it coming and look the other way, hoping this mess would fall into the laps of the next generation?  Or did we just trust all the wrong people?

I'm not sure I have answers for the above questions. But apparently, neither do the news outlets.  You think Wall Street's turned upside down? You're living in a country where the only dependable accountability for what's happening in people's lives and government is from a comedic parody called the Daily Show.